January 2012
1 post
bachelor of commerce
i just applied to Nipissing University to complete my Bachelor of Commerce degree.
little steps. small goals are more attainable. etc etc. yes, i believe that.
my heart is pounding because my first university experience wasn’t very successful. the stakes seem so high right now but just have to keep pushing.
i’m honestly stressing about the finances. i’m paying back OSAP this...
July 2010
1 post
dearest sam
before you get ahead of yourself with emotions, step back and calm down. no reason to get worked up. no reason to be angry at anyone. please take into consideration that you are overreacting.. that you are setting yourself up to be blamed in the end. you cannot keep blaming all your pains on others. you cannot keep ignoring the advice that many give you and you cannot keep victimizing yourself.
June 2010
3 posts
maybe today is a learning day
maybe today it’s better to be alone with myself. to learn how to handle being alone with myself and my thoughts. to control my mind when it starts to think negatively. to keep myself busy when i am not occupied with other people. to not rely so religiously on other people to make myself feel better. to relax and sleep in. to do homework and clean. perhaps even yoga ! to pray,...
there is no solution
every day is fucked.
sometimes i just really want to say..
FORGET YOUR INCONSIDERATE BULLSHIT.
because it’s really easy for you to ignore mine. i don’t blame ya. i also don’t know why i keep running after you. i get what’s coming to me. but still, fuck you jerk. this person i am right now, it isn’t the real me. it’s what’s become of me. and i am better. i was better before you ruined me. i know saying it...
May 2010
5 posts
wow
how did i manage to make my dad angry already?
this is stupid. i’ve been acting just like him and i totally realize how much of a douche he can be… meaning that i’ve probably been acting all douch-ey too.
i’m sorry. why does it feel like i shouldn’t be here. i don’t think i’m a rebel. i never tried to be. never want to disobey or disappoint my parents....
the heart is just an organ
why can’t it act like one?
why does my brain send messages to my heart that make it feel all tight inside and beat faster? hearts don’t feel emotion do they? at least that’s what i’m learning. it’s all in my head, not my heart.
maybe all this stuff going on. maybe i’m just hurting myself on a whole new level. maybe this sleep deprivation really is a form of...
i have to work tonight
please please tell me i don’t have to train people tomorrow ! and that i can be left alone.
PLEASE. that would be a perfect shift.
sitting in class.
fuck this and fuck life. sometimes i wish i was a lot more naive than i am now. this way maybe i wouldn’t be so fucking selfish.
maybe i wouldn’t be so fucking angry and so sad and so unhappy. maybe i’d be able to concentrate more and value school more than feelings. because right now i feel like complete, utter shit. i hate everything and i don’t...
remember when i was so fucking excited to go back to Playdium ?
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING ?!?!?!?!?!
sam needs a new job !
along with a new attitude and shizzz.
ugh i need to get the fuck outta town also. spend some money, i just need to get outta here. out of my head !!